Sometimes I just stand in complete awe.
Today I have a 4 year old! I can’t get over the fact I even HAVE kids, let alone a 4 year old.
I have to say though, he truly is a sweet heart.
He has been looking forward to his birthday for a while now, so it was fun to wake up and get to tell him: “Today is the day!” The smile was priceless.
Children sure do make life so much more interesting, and enjoyable in so many ways. Even during the hard times I love them. Then there are those times I hear “I love you, mommy” that make me melt and burst at the seems with happiness.
As I walk through memory lane in my mind with my first born, I remember SO much of being a first time parent. Things that have changed so drastically since having Noah, and I am sure will be all the more changed with Abigail.
Entering into parenthood was not easy for me, and goodness knows Jeremiah was NOT the easiest child to deal with. He could not poop on his own literally for 11 months straight.. He was colicky. He was effected by certain ingredients in foods, and sugars. He is fine now, thankfully. But it was a roller coaster of a ride for me, that started the moment I hit transition in labor with him.
It always seems that first births are the hardest, longest and so on. Mine was pretty short in comparison to most, but the doctor I had was not the best. I should have left and gone to another one, but alas I didn’t. Needless to say I survived the forceps and the major loss of blood (he wasn’t gentle), and was well onto my way of being a mother.
Although I had grand ideas of being the best mother, i.e.
- Breastfeeding perfectly
- Changing diapers with no issue (the first real poop explosion, I almost puked and Adam had to change it. haha)
- All in all, that happy picture perfect mother you THINK you might become
I was in pain, tired, and breastfeeding was going horribly. My goal to breastfeed was simply to lose weight. Sad I know, but it was the drive. Not a big one as I stopped only 4 weeks in.
I realized I didn’t WANT to be a mother anymore. Trials and tribulations later (14 months to be exact) I finally gave in, I finally excepted my role. At long last I wanted to be a mother to my son, my beautiful first born, Jeremiah.
I thank the Lord so much for that boy. The Lord used him to mold me into a mother, and continues to use both my kids to mold me, change me. I would never give up those hard years with my boy, I could only wish I had loved him more deeply then.
But now as I look at him, with tears in my eyes I can’t imagine life with out this sweet, caring, hyper little boy that brings me joy that I can’t even explain.
Today just reminds me all the more of Jesus’ love, and how thankful I am that He gave me Jeremiah as my son.